Croquet!

A Sunday game of croquet makes me think of sparkling white dresses, parasols, and enormous adorned hats. Elegant ladies and distinguished men hitting balls gracefully across the lawn in Anne of Green Gables fashion. Nothing less than paradise and a life of ease.

I have never actually played the game until last Sunday. The elegant ladies were missing, and the distinguished men were replaced by Tyson, my little brother and my dad. Instead of a peaceful, relaxed game it turned into a cutthroat round of "Run Away from Red."

Things I realized while playing Croquet:

1. Keep away from Dad. He's either bouncing off you, moving you, or coming after you as poison. Just steer clear. And don't ever let him start late and give him four hits. He made it ALL THE WAY AROUND THE COURSE, and became instant poison. Bad idea.

2. I am generally safe. I can't hit the broadside of a barn with a croquet mallet so chances of me hitting you, or anything else, are very slim. Mostly I cheat when I'm super far behind and there is no hope for me...

3. Hitting the ball "granny style" actually works, as silly as it looks. Of course I could never get it to work, but everyone else did. It's a user-error...

4. Occasionally one reaches the point of desperation in which you will try just about anything to move your ball because it just doesn't like to listen. Kameron showed us that hitting the ball pool-style doesn't work, and matting down the grass in front of your ball doesn't actually make your ball go the way you want it to either.

5. I tried holding the stick as I hit it, hoping that more momentum would be passed to the ball instead of getting lost in the stick. (Yes, I have a physics brain.) But my method didn't work and it just ended up hurting my hand. I don't recommend it. It's painful.

6. Dad taught us that sometimes vengeance isn't the answer, but when you are playing croquet, it always is. Tyson won the first round by only one hit, and so as soon as Dad became poison the second round, he was all over Tyson. He planted his ball right in front of the hoop so Tyson couldn't make it through. It was brutal, but Kam took out Dad in the end and won.

7. Boredom makes croquet exciting. I took fashionista pictures of McKenzie, and realized that croquet mallets are a perfect substitute for crutches if you have no leg beyond your knee.

8. There is no grace in bending over to hit a ball on the lawn. I'm not sure how those perfect ladies did it, but as soon as you bend over all appearances of poise  evaporate and you simply look like a noob.

9. Croquet may not be as elegant as I thought, but it's a lot more fun when you can get grass stains!

Someday I will own an enormous white hat and parasol and I will play croquet on my spacious lawn, but today being with my family is enough.