Happily Ever After...?

To my friends and loved ones:

The slipper didn't fit.
He came home and after a week of joy,
It was over.
Four years over in an instant.

I'm not going to pretend that it was easy because it wasn't. My life shattered and lay in millions of pieces for weeks. Those two years seemed like such a waste.

At first I was mad at him for not giving me a fair chance, for leading me on, and for altogether being stupid. Let's face it, one week off the mish is NOT enough time to make these decisions. Then I was mad at Heavenly Father for letting this happen. Why? Why did I have to wait all this time? What did I do wrong? What am I supposed to do NOW?

Once I calmed down enough to listen, Heavenly father told me. Trust. I have to trust that He knows what He is doing and that He has a greater plan in store for me.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. ~Proverbs 3:5-6

This trust thing is a hurdle, but each day it gets a little better . I've learned that there ARE decent young men out there and I'm trusting that one of them will be right for me. I've learned to trust in the Atonement and that it covers ALL pain, and Christ will comfort me. Even though it's a silly breakup, it's important to me and I trust that it is important to Him. I trust that God loves me and has a plan that is better than one I would choose for myself.

My biggest struggle was telling myself to just "get over it." But how? How do you get over it? The scriptures don't tell you how to deal with a breakup, and, contrary to popular belief, time does not heal all wounds. I was lost for a while until the answer hit me like a ton of bricks:

Forgiveness.
I needed to forgive.

The answer was staring me in the face all along, but I was looking for a miracle cure and not a "plain and simple truth". That day a weight was lifted. That day I acknowledged that I was feeling real pain. This wasn't mommy-kiss-it-better pain, or awkward teenage I-don't-fit-in. This was heart-wrenching pain. This was real. He hurt me, and I needed to forgive him. Through that process I trusted in God, and He made up the difference.

I can finally say that it has stopped hurting. All of it. I have forgiven and my heart is free.

So Tyson:
I forgive you for the two years.
I forgive you for being dumb.
I forgive you for not trying harder.
I forgive you for hurting me so deeply.
I forgive you.

And to everyone else:
Trust in God, He knows what He is doing. And don't worry about me, God is in control now!

Life will be good. Life will be fantastic.

{Neverland}

One of the greatest pleasures since coming home has been reading. I have time to read again! I've taken to it like a fish to water, and I go nowhere without a book in hand.

My latest adventure has been J. M. Barrie's classic Peter Pan. It's a masterpiece of storytelling, full of imagination and magic. It has topped the list of "Books I Will Read to My Children." It's a very old book, but a lovely one.

Here is a collection of my favorite lines:

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"The loveliest tinkle as of golden bells answered him. It is the fairy language. You ordinary children can never hear it, but if you were to hear it you would know that you had heard it once before."

"Boy, why are you crying?"

"Of course the Neverlands vary a great deal. John's for instance, had a lagoon with flamingos flying over it..., while Michael, who was very small, had a flamingo with lagoons flying over it."

"Wendy, when you are sleeping in your silly bed you might be flying about with me saying funny things to the stars."

"Do you want an adventure now, or would you like to have your tea first?"

"Of all delectable islands the Neverland is the snugest and most compact; not large and sprawly, you know, with tedious distances between one adventure and another, but nicely crammed. When you play at it by day with the chairs and tablecloth, it is not in the least alarming, but in the two minutes before you go to sleep it becomes very nearly real. That is why there are night lights."

"You see, Wendy, when the first baby laughed for the the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies."

"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up, never grow up! Not me!"

"To die will be an awfully big adventure."

"O George, never ask me to do that. The window must always be left open for them, always, always."

"There could not have been a lovelier sight; but there was none to see it except a strange boy who was staring in at the window. He had ecstasies innumerable that other children can never know; but he was looking through the window at the one joy from which he must be for ever barred."

"Years rolled on again, and Wendy had a daughter. This ought not to be written in ink but in a golden splash."

"Just always be waiting for me, and then some night you will hear me crowing."

**************** 

This book made me wonder, "What would my Neverland look like?"

I would have LOTS of adventures,

but I don't think any of them would include killing pirates.

Maybe a little fencing wouldn't hurt.

Giant zip lines are a must.

Trees so tall that you can't see the sky.

Wet sand and bright blue water.

A volcano would be pretty adventurous.

Gigantic waterfalls, amazing views.

I would definitely, DEFINITELY be able to fly in Neverland.

There would be fairies, and they would be annoying and cause a lot of trouble.

I would talk to animals just like Ro on Barbie Island Princess.

Diving into the water would turn you into a mermaid.

A whole other world of adventure lies below the sea!

Admittedly the first fish I came across would scare me, but I'd face it bravely.

What is an adventure without conflict? Peter Pan faced pirates, Indiana Jones faced Nazis, Ro faced...uh ...the evil pig lady? Volcanoes, sea monsters, bandits, it would be pretty awesome.

Hey, it's better than finals.

What would your Neverland look like?