Once upon a time there was a girl, named Taylor. She fell in love with a boy, and they dated for a very long time. The time came that he was called on a mission to the Great White North, and although it was very sad, they parted ways in hopes that one day they would be reunited.
Fast forward several months.
Taylor writes this boy each week, and still loves him, but somehow she must continue living all by herself. It’s been a hard road, but she’s done it. And thus far she has been successful in keeping all individuals of the male gender at bay. One awkward date in September. Three dates in February. All is well with the world.
Last month of school.
Last week: date to Fiddler on the Roof.
Tomorrow: date planned with a former crush. Why now?
Next week?: hang out with Fiddler on the Roof man?
Of course. Last week of school. And I’m NOT coming to USU next year. Thus it is all pretty much pointless. Why now?
But the big angst in this whole situation is my internal confusion. What do I want? I think it’s perfectly fine that I have had a crush while my missionary is gone, I still love him most of all. It’s just soooooo difficult that he is miles away and I can only talk to him through hand-written letters like it’s the dark ages or something.
But what do I want? Him, but that it still another 15 months away. But what if this guy…? I guess I could give him a chance. But is that leading him on? What IS my relationship status?
Answer: so complicated it’s not even funny!
Dating is fun. It’s fun to get dressed up and feel special for a night. I like talking to people and getting to know them [and honestly, who can begrudge free meals and desserts?].
But dating also sucks. It keeps you up at night wondering, Did I do something I shouldn’t have? Will he get the wrong idea? What does he think about this? Did I act like a complete idiot?
Sometimes I just want to nix dating completely. And others, I sort of miss it and think, “Well, it can’t be that bad…” And then I go on a date. And the turmoil starts over.
If I didn’t have my missionary, life would be simple. Open to all dating opportunities just to “see how it goes”. But now I’m all tied up. Do I go for it? Do I tell the guy this complicated situation?
My family really likes my missionary. To the point that if I started dating anyone else my brother would come and “beat him up”. But I still want to be happy and enjoy life, and I really want to look at other people and decide if he really is the right one. So far he is the best I’ve ever found, but it won’t hurt to go on a few dates. Right?
Ugh. The joys of dating. One more week and all my problems will be solved,--more like avoided. Hopefully.
"Send me a sign! A hint! Anything!" [name that movie!]
Any suggestions for this poor, confused, single girl?
9 comments:
Just recognize you could be just as happy with one guy as the other, depending on your compatibility. I've dated someone I thought for SURE I would marry for 4 years. Then I dated someone else and now I feel like I will for SURE marry him. But obviously, seeing such a discrepancy, you lose faith in such things as "destiny" and "chosen one" etc. My advice is not to tie yourself down. You'll figure it out when the time is right, and you may miss an amazing opportunity if you don't. I'm speaking from experience. Taylor, I've dated one guy, sent him on a mission, dated another guy, sent him on a mission, and still managed to crush on and want to date a few other guys besides. And I feel much happier. You aren't MEANT to "tie yourself down" and wait. No matter how awesome, how amazing, how etc etc one guy is, there is always the possibility that you will meet someone even more right for you. And to miss that opportunity is a heartache in itself. Just make sure you (basically) let the missionary know what's going on. No one likes nasty surprises. Since he's on a mission, his focus and dedication will allow him to pull through it better than you think...
Wait?! You're not going to USU next year? Ridiculous! Please say you're not going to BYU, because that would be the worst.
ah ha?
Or are you going somewhere in Idaho? I think I remember you talking about it once.
I'm sorry about this whole situation, I don't understand it at all, but I am sure glad I'll never have a missionary, I can say that. Just hang in there and don't worry too much. Just think- you're only 19, you've got plenty of time for relationships. At least that's my take on it.
Heeeeyyy thanks for writing down my feelings of the last 22 months... :)
When Ryan left, I felt exactly the same way. Something that really helped me was to look at it this way: I can't see the whole picture, but God can. If Ryan and I are meant for each other, then it doesn't matter if I open myself up to other experiences, other crushes, other dates, because if that is what the Lord knows will make me happiest and I do my best to follow Him, then it will work out, without me trying to always control the situation. On the other hand, if it isn't the right thing, and the Lord knows there's a better plan for me, we will both be better off in the end anyway. It's really a win-win situation, when you let yourself let go of the reins a little bit.
So either way, what's most important is living your life without fear and not cutting yourself off from things that could be very good experiences.
That's what I have done. It was SO hard at first. I was terrified and confused to go on dates, even talk to other boys. But the longer I did it, the more I realized that I was learning things from them, and it was helping me become a better person and better recognize what I want in a future spouse. For me, it's made me feel even closer to Ryan. For a friend of mine, it helped her see that her missionary wasn't the right person for her. It's hard to let go of the control, but when you do, you allow the Lord to bless you in ways you wouldn't have imagined.
(I make it sound like you should drop the missionary. Considering I'm still in love with mine and he comes home in two months, that's not what I'm saying. But different things are right for different people. Only Heavenly Father can help you know what's right for you and Tyson.)
:) sorry that was long. I hope it helped!
PS. I was also going to say that yes, I do believe that for some people, they are meant for each other. Give him the chance, but while still keeping an open mind and heart to the Spirit. It'll all work out :)
ANASTASIA! Also, dating is also just as complicated but in different ways when there's no missionary involved. My opinion is: never close yourself to any options if you're actually feeling curious. I think it's perfectly fine to have crushes, because in the end, it could even help strengthen your love for Tyson. Chances are, you'll date a bunch of dumb-faces and realize you got the best of the bunch. :)
You guys are all great! Thank you!!!
:) Taylor! I know how you're feeling. I'm going through the exact same thing right now. However, I'm going with the assumption that if Alex and I end up together after his mission, I will feel so much more peace of mind knowing that I would choose Alex out of all the other guys I've known. Does that sound a little bit terrible? Maybe. But I still need to know. How can you grow if you're not moving a little? I've found that God only guides me when I'm moving. That doesn't mean stop writing Tyson, because he's still really important to you, but just keep an open mind.
I'm sorry, I wish I knew what I was doing so I could help you, but it's a tricky game. :) Good luck!
I love you Taylor! I was too lazy to read through all of the comments, so someone might have already said this, but basically...NO ONE needs to know exactly what they want when they are nineteen! In fact, they probably shouldn't! Here is what my dad said to me right before Garrett left: "If you two really want to be with each other forever, then nothing and no one can get in the way of that. And if someone or something can get in the way of that, then thank goodness you will have figured that out now instead of after you were married."
Dear Taylor, I vote we start a mormon nunnery. For real this time. We'll spend our days baking treats, completing handiwork projects, and serving others. Sound like a plan? I think so. Ha ha. Okay. But for real, Taylor, I am going to be bold (because I know you) and say that you are living your life in such a way that you will know if you do something that the Lord isn't okay with. So unless He starts giving you some red flags, go with what you are feeling. If it's wrong, you'll know. Promise. I love you, girl and I know that you'll figure this out. It might take some time, but you can do it.
Also, refer to Sarah's comment and answer her questions. It would be greatly appreciate :)
And, really, if you get sick of the dating world, I really have always wanted to be a nun :)
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